Want a surreal 30 minutes? Try melding the interests of a 53 year old with a 19 year old. The results are hilarious.
Its also something you have to be there for, so I won’t reprint the awkwardness of the 53 year old learning that Fergie, who was opening act for The Police reunion last night isn’t, in fact, a princess talking about Weight Watchers for fifteen minutes.
Deleted in light of recent news.
…So I cave and take the damn package back to Pallet Town and visit Professor Oak.
Asshat barges in talking shit about how strong his Pokemon is. Can’t help but notice that he doesn’t try to challenge me though. Yeah, you keep walkin’ buddy…
Turns out that the parcel was, in fact, a custom Pokeball that Oak had ordered. Don’t know what’s custom about it. Maybe it comes with a spa and TV. At any rate, Professor Oak tosses it over his shoulder and hands me some sort of iPod-like device.
“It’s a Pokedex,” he exclaims proudly.
“How many MP3s does it store?” I inquire.
The Professor is thrown by this and starts asking about what kind of Pokemon an MP3 is. I’m forced to make him lie down and get him a hot cocoa as his mouth starts to foam. When all is calm…
“The Pokedex is an encyclopaedia of Pokemon, containing data on where they can be found, their strengths, weakness and tactics. And I’m giving it to you.”
“Wow, thanks Professor! That’ll be a big help!”
“Yes, and if you could just fill it up with information on your travels, that would be super.”
The mysteries of why I’m leaving this town are becoming readily apparent.
Oh, almost forgot. I’m also to get a map from Asshat’s sister. Asshat had rushed off, saying that he would forbid her from doing so, which turned out to be as effective as a pitcher of water in Emerald*. So map in one hand and, apparently, Asshat’s sister in the palm of the other** I head back to Viridian City and back to the PokeMall to do some bid’ness. Bitch behind the counter doesn’t even thank me for the FREE (!!!) delivery. I purchase:
2 Para Heals
2 Burn Heals
This turns out to be expensive and I consider having to use my Pokemon for street-walking. Which could be a lucrative venture as the overhead would be practically nil and the market is ripe to bursting. I mean, every house or place of business that has a bookshelf is crammed full of books on Pokemon. Every! Bookshelf! The demand is there, and B-Dawg (Only now do I realise that I should have called my character that. Dammit!!) is going to make with the supply. Aw yeaaah.
But for now, all I’ve got is Taserbait and whether I go for Pokemon battles or Pokemon, um, other dealings, I’m going to need a variety to choose from. Time to fill my balls with Pokemon!
Wow this post is getting so racy I should have played Pokemon Blue.
Unfortunately my plans seem to have gotten out into the tall grass where all Pokemon roam and the good ones are in hiding, leaving me with only Pidgeys and Rattatas to choose from. Taserbait keeps on grinding though and is soon level 14. I’m also confronted with Catterpie (a caterpillar) and Nirodan (No clue). Neither strikes me as worth collecting so more grist for the grinder. It is then that I am challenged!
I should point out that in Mexico, parts of Yugoslavia and dark dingy basements in other countries have Pokemon fights too. Only they’re with dogs and roosters and it’s horribly illegal and just plain horrible. However Pokemon trainers don’t seem lumbered with morality and after I win the battle and gain $90 as a result, neither am I. Eager to start making the monies, I seek other challengers and come across a stalker called Bug Catcher.
Delia tells me that Bug Catcher is actually a rank held by many people and that the four or five times Bug Catcher sprung out of FUCKING NOWHERE to challenge me was coincidence. But the thing is – They all look alike. Same gender, build, hair colour, butterfly net and straw hat! Creepy as it is though, I take his money and leave him crushed. Who could have thought having a stalker could be profitable!
Still no Pokemon worth collecting are about, so I switch off and will resume later.
*Emerald is flooded at the time of this post.
**Bow Chika Wow!